


safe now

by lookforanewangle



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blood, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Crying, Dean does NOT die in the finale bc Sam immediately calls an ambulance, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No editing we die like mne, Reunions, let dean have a breakdown!! stop holding it in kiddo, like he should have, very brief mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29035497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookforanewangle/pseuds/lookforanewangle
Summary: “You’re not, you’re not real,” he gasps, breath hitching as his back slams against the wall. There is blood seeping through his shirt, his stitches tearing along his torso, but he doesn’t seem to notice through his ragged breaths. Cas crouches in front of him as he presses the heels of his palms tightly to his eyes as if to rid himself of the image. “I’m dreaming. You’re— Ican’t— wakeup, dammit—”or, Cas comes back from the Empty, and Dean has a breakdown.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 12
Kudos: 182





	safe now

**Author's Note:**

> hi hellerrrs (affectionate) <3
> 
> okay so I still haven't watched the finale, but I saw the implosion on nov 5 and rapidly got sucked back into spn since quitting cold turkey back in junior high (like...eight or nine years ago). I'm working my way through the rest (I'm in s10 atm) and have been fully enveloped in fandom since that night, so I for the most part know what went down and I am!! not happy about it!!
> 
> the desticule was discussing the finale again yesterday and I was hit with feels so! you get this :) title comes from safe now by henry jackman bc I had it on repeat while writing this

It takes awhile, but Jack is able to bring Castiel back from the Empty. 

It’s almost 2am in Kansas, and Cas should wait—wait a few days or a few hours; he shouldn’t be popping in in the middle of the night—but Dean had nearly _died_ , and Cas wasn’t about to sit around and wait any longer. Not after everything. Not now.

He makes his way to the Bunker in the dark, lets himself in, and finds his way to Dean’s room. His heart beats nervously in his chest with every step he takes, mind whirling at how Dean could react to his reappearance, after—

A crash sounds from Dean’s room.

Cas pauses, mid-step, and then he is running, racing around the corner and throwing open the door. Dean is on the floor, head in his hands, lamp shattered across the ground next to him. His head flies up towards the intrusion and he immediately freezes, eyes blowing wide.

“No,” Dean murmurs, flinching at the sight of Cas in his doorway. He scrambles backwards towards the wall as Cas steps forward, scattering the broken fragments across the floor. “No, you’re— you’re dead.”

“Dean—”

“You’re not, you’re not real,” he gasps, breath hitching as his back slams against the wall. There is blood seeping through his shirt, stitches tearing along his torso, but he doesn’t seem to notice through his ragged breathing. Cas crouches in front of him as he presses the heels of his palms tightly to his eyes as if to rid himself of the image. “I’m dreaming. You’re— I _can’t—_ wake _up, dammit—_ ”

“Dean,” Cas says, voice soft and breaking at the sight in front of him. He reaches out slowly for Dean’s hand. Dean snatches it away, holding it close to his chest, but Cas follows, gently wrapping his fingers around his wrist. Dean chokes on a whine when he makes contact, and holds himself so carefully still in fear, that Cas’s chest aches. He slides his hand down, intertwines their fingers; Dean watches his every move like a hawk, and Cas pulls Dean’s hand to his mouth, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. Dean shudders.

“I’m real,” Cas whispers, lowering their fingers to hold against his ribs, so Dean can feel the rise and fall of his chest, the steady beating of his heart. He catches Dean’s _wildterrifiedhopeful_ gaze, and holds, squeezing Dean’s hand in reassurance. “I’m real.”

“Cas,” Dean breathes, wonder in his eyes as they rapidly fill with tears. “Cas?”

“I’m here.”

_“Cas.”_

Dean breaks then, sob tearing from his throat as he crumbles before him, free hand coming up to cover his face. Cas grabs that one too, and hauls Dean in close, one hand still clutching Dean’s hand to his chest, the other holding Dean’s head to his shoulder as he shakes apart. Dean’s hand winds around and grips at Cas’s shirt so tight Cas is sure it will tear, but he can’t be bothered to care right now. Dean wails into his shoulder, tears drenching his shirt and all Cas can do is hold him tight in comfort as his own heart shatters to pieces at the sound.

“I’m here,” he says again into Dean’s crown, fingers stroking through the hair at his nape as Dean starts to quiet, sobs turning into shuddering gasps for air. He slumps against Cas, exhausted and spent, but Cas holds him upright, murmuring Enochian into his ear as he calms. They sit like that for a while, Cas kneeling in the middle of his bedroom, Dean secure in his arms, the quiet surrounding them comforting, instead of oppressive.

Eventually, Dean speaks.

“I thought you were...gone. For good,” he whispers, still hiding his face against Cas’s shoulder. “I thought I’d never see you again.”

Cas’s heart breaks all over again.

“I know,” he murmurs back, pressing his cheek to Dean’s crown. “I… I didn’t think I would see you again, either.”

Dean stills against him.

“Why?” he rasps, voice breaking. “Why did you do that, Cas?”

“Dean—” Cas starts, but Dean pulls away, lifting his head to search Cas’s face desperately.

“ _Why?"_ he asks again, pressing. “After everything— how could you—?”

“I had to,” Cas says desperately. “I had to. For you.”

“No, not—” Dean pauses, sucks in a breath. “I know why you made the deal,” he continues, voice rough. “But how… how could you not _know?"_

Cas stills.

“Know… what?”

Dean exhales shakily. Swallows. “How— how much you mean to me,” he whispers hoarsely. He hesitantly meets Cas’s stunned gaze. “You had to have known. All the prayers—?”

“I…” Cas says, blinking rapidly.

“Cas,” Dean whispers, exasperated and wounded. He lifts his free hand to Cas’s face, the other still clutched tightly in Cas’s grip, and it’s Cas’s turn to suck in a breath. His mind goes blank.

“You have me,” Dean says, tears welling in his eyes again, his hand winding around to grip the back of Cas’s neck tight. “ _Dammit_ , Cas, you’ve always had me.”

Cas exhales roughly, and without a second thought, he surges forward, pressing his lips to Dean’s. Dean sucks in a breath sharply in surprise; a wounded noise escapes and then he’s responding, lips moving against Cas’s and holding him close. Tears well in Cas’s eyes, dripping down his cheeks, and when he pulls away for air, he finds that Dean is in a similar state. Dean huffs a laugh and then winces, doubling over as the pain catches up to him, his hand slipping from Cas’s neck to his chest and clutching tightly at Cas’s coat.

“We need to get you patched up,” Cas says.

“Yeah,” Dean wheezes, sucking air through his teeth. “Yeah, that’d be good.”

Cas pulls his own hand from Dean’s neck and places it gingerly over Dean’s chest. Dean releases Cas’s coat and latches onto his wrist with a grimace, but within moments the wound is healed and Dean can breathe again.

“Thanks,” he whispers. Cas tips forward to press his lips to Dean’s forehead in answer.

“I missed you,” Dean continues, and Cas pulls back to press their foreheads together.

“I missed you, too,” he answers. He starts to pull away, but Dean’s fingers tighten on his wrist.

“Stay,” Dean pleads. His eyes are closed, brows furrowed, panicked.

Cas presses another chaste kiss to Dean’s lips, and he relaxes under him.

“As long as you’ll have me.”

**Author's Note:**

> this will not be my only spn fic; I currently have an au in the works, and it's at 16k and climbing!! hopefully will have it done in the next month but I also work 70 hours a week so, like. we'll get there when we get there ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> comments are appreciated! thanks for reading! <3
> 
> find me on tumblr @ [lookforanewangle](https://lookforanewangle.tumblr.com/)


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